Integrity and honesty are important qualities in relationship to anyone, including one’s self. If you cannot trust yourself, who can you trust? When one is not honest with oneself, one cannot live in integrity with others.
While a lie may seem as if it does not hurt anyone, often times with one lie becomes another to continue the script. A lie of omission can result in the same domino effect. While lying may seem harmless or benign as socially acceptable ‘little white lies’, the effect that carrying a false front can be devastating to a relationship, undermining trust which directly impacts respect, pillars of any successful relationship. In reality, there is no small lie. If one cannot be trusted on a small matter that is meaningless, how can that person expect to be trusted on a big matter that is meaningful?
The moment a lie is uncovered,
it brings everything else the person has ever shared into question.
Confidence wanes. While forgiveness may be given, trust is difficult to regain once betrayed. When someone lies to me, I no longer take it personally; it says more about the person than it does about me. I refrain from judgment as having not lived in the shoes or in the body or mind of that person, I cannot possibly begin to understand what might motivate that behavior. I evaluate what it says about the relationship. A relationship based on lies is no better than a house built out of sand. Dishonesty affects my readiness to believe, trust, honor, relate to or be with someone. It does not affect my love, albeit, this may not be the case for everyone. Betrayal, on any level, for many is a reason to move forward.
My own family has been an incredible teacher for me in the area of integrity. While deep unconditional love cannot possibly be diminished, I understand these lessons have been presented so I might live in integrity with myself and in relationship to others. Through the painful and unscrupulous ways of loved ones, I have a tremendous gift. A lack of integrity does not make someone a bad person, for some it is simply how they have found their way in the world. We all get to decide if we choose to have our lives elevated with integrity or burdened by the absence of it. Blessed by Reiki, I do my best to live in accordance with the Five Principles of Reiki which include, “I earn my living honestly.” Living applies to every aspect of life, not just occupation.
The last two years has been a time to reflect on all that is important. Relationship to my beloved is priority. Integrity is at the basis of my closest relationships. When it is betrayed, depending on the circumstances, it is often my hope it will be restored. Whether or not that will happen depends on the person involved. Trust takes time to rebuild and to earn once it has been broken. While mistakes happen, there are few who are so lucky to earn back someone’s trust; many people will not take the risk with someone that has betrayed them, they would rather give a new person a chance than give someone else a second chance.
My prayer is that all beings can experience the values of love, trust, respect, honesty and integrity in relationship to self and others. My bigger prayer is that if these values are compromised that both parties will value themselves and the relationship enough to make amends to revere the relationship. Amends is not to merely admit one’s wrong doings and to apologize; it is to correct the behavior and to not repeat it in the future. Depending on the scope of the betrayal, some relationships may be beyond reconciliation. The relationships that withstand the test of time and tribulation are to be cherished; those that do not are opportunities for growth.